They Can't Do Division.

I'm a teacher so I won't curse.
But sometimes it gets to be excessive.

Three people quit last week. We've lost four people already this year, from a staff of 20. Quick math: that's 20% of our staff. Nice. And I totally understand why.

Every morning, we start the motivation of the day by screaming at the kids til they wake up. Teachers like me find out about new policies with the students in the morning announcements at breakfast. I don't find out about the things that matter to me and I still don't know if I'm suppose to turn in my attendance online or in papercopy. I keep track of my grades independent of the program we're suppose to use because though it was promised to be up on Day 1, it's now Day 26 of instruction and it's still not up. How is it only Day 26?

I have to make it to Day 180. Then start over again and do it for a whole 'nother year.

And my kids aren't learning.

All the frustration at everyone else... it's really just frustration at myself. I guess I thought if I just showed them how to do it, they'd figure it out. But I was never cut out to do this. Sure, I can teach algebra. I'm good at algebra. But I don't even remember not knowing how to do division so NO, NO, NO I don't know how to teach DIVISION. I use the stupid example of this many candy bars divided by this many people, but 381 candybars divided by 32 people is confusing.

I'm frustrated with my life. I'm frustrated with how much I do but how little it feels like and how inadequate I feel. I'm frustrated with my limited or non-existent social life and my limited or non-existent ability to express myself in a positive way. I'm frustrated with the smile I put on every morning when I try to pretend everything's ok even though my best friends are quitting and leaving me alone in this hellhole for me to rot, for my best students to leave because they're not getting what they need because the disruptions in class keep me from teaching and because even if I could teach, what the hell would I teach them?

I'm frustrated because I feel like I'm stuck in quicksand and I'm not sure if I can escape the grading and paperwork and IEPs and lesson plans and now I'm in tears and my class comes in soon and I better wipe them away and be Ms. Brar again because if not, well then we got some real problems.

Word problems, word problems. Today I'm suppose to teach word problems. Life problems is what I want to teach. Problems with our society, problems with our schools. Problems with administrators more focused on how pretty our school looks on camera so we can get more donors instead of how we can work on keeping the kids we've got on track so we don't keep 'socially promoting' them because somehow the word SOCIAL got mixed up in education and now we've got to keep them with the other hormones that are going crazy in my classroom.

I had a kid tell me today that he had fun in my class. I couldn't even take it as a compliment. All I kept thinking was -- what the f did I just teach that he had FUN in here? Musta been not a lot.

They can't do division.
What the f am I gonna teach if they can't do division?

Why do we have Gym and Art and Reading Intervention and no MATH Intervention? Though I may not have chosen to teach math, I choose every day to believe that the subject I teach is more important that most any other subject because the subject I teach make it so people don't take advantage of you. If you can't tell if you're in debt, if you're getting ripped off, if you're capable of turning a profit, or if you can even pay for your groceries before having someone add them up for you at a counter, well ... if you can't do those things, you're in trouble. Not like, oops I forgot about photosynthesis trouble, but like hmm, can't remember if my paycheck means I made money or not trouble. And if you can't divide your paycheck among required spending for the month, well then, you're really in trouble.

They can't do division.
What the f am I gonna teach if they can't do division?